At this point it’s becoming comical. I went on this semi-awkward
first date with "Mr Right-Now" two weeks ago, then he left for vacation
and we talked every day. To say that I was into him would be an overstatement;
he was drop dead gorgeous but something was missing, I can’t describe it other
than he didn’t make my “heart smile.” It’s a sensation that is difficult to
explain and I honestly don’t know if the feeling is universal but it is a warm
full sensation in your chest that feels like your body is glowing from the inside.
When I looked at, talked to, or thought about "Mr Right-Now", it just wasn’t there. *Sigh*
It did sting a little when a mutual friend told me he got
back with his ex, but I can’t blame him for anything more than his lack of
honesty. Even when I tried to clear the air he continued to pretend that he was
none the wiser about why…. Silly boys.
There is a guy out there, one that I care about deeply but
also who I’m not sure is capable of a commitment that could last longer than a
weekend, a man that makes my heart smile for the first time in ages. At
this age we are all jaded, we’ve all been hurt, and we all have baggage… I feel
like his might fit with mine. The problem is I’m so unwilling to lose what I
have in my friend that I’ll never have the bravery to tell him how I feel, even
though a part of me feels like it might be reciprocated. What a way to live…
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